Our relationship is like smoke; it’s so fucking beautiful, the way it curves and wraps itself around each strand, but it’s only temporary. It only lasts for a while, until the joint is done and dead and then it just simply vanishes into the air and is gone forever until another one is lit again.
I couldn’t slap you today, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Each time I was bracing myself to walk up and do it, something in me melted and stopped. I froze over. I wanted to hit you so hard, I wanted to do it. I went and punched and dented a locker out of frustration instead, but I can’t bring myself to say the words, “I hate you.” I don’t think I ever can, or will. I’ll hit you when my hands heal, maybe when my heart mends a little. It’s painful you know, to walk by you, to avert where your presence is or to think about you. I couldn’t even crack a smile in the morning because I was hell-bent on trying to ignore the world and forget that you were only 10 yards away. To forget that we’re even breathing the same air.
I guess this is a farewell to my first love that he’ll never read. I guess things are going to be a lot different from here on out. A kiss goodbye to a love that lasted 5 years and died.
“…So I made up my mind I was going to find someone who would love me unconditionally three hundred and sixty five days a year, I was still in elementary school at the time - fifth or sixth grade - but I made up my mind once and for all.”
“Wow,” I said. “Did the search pay off?”
“That’s the hard part,” said Midori. She watched the rising smoke for a while, thinking. “I guess I’ve been waiting so long I’m looking for perfection. That makes it tough.”
“Waiting for the perfect love?”
”No, even I know better than that. I’m looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortcake. And you stop everything you’re doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortcake out to me. And I say I don’t want it anymore and throw it out the window. That’s what I’m looking for.”
”I’m not sure that has anything to do with love,” I said with some amazement.
“It does,” she said. “You just don’t know it. There are time in a girl’s life when things like that are incredibly important.”
“Things like throwing strawberry shortcake out the window?”
“Exactly. And when I do it, I want the man to apologize to me. “Now I see, Midori. What a fool I have been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortcake. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donkey shit. To make it up to you, I’ll go out and buy you something else. What would you like? Chocolate Mousse? Cheesecake?”
“So then what?”
“So then I’d give him all the love he deserves for what he’s done.”
“Sounds crazy to me.”
“Well, to me, that’s what love is…” ― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood
I know you can see every text I’ve sent. So I’ll just give everything time and allow things to go with the flow. Hopefully we can go back to how things truly were.
that bubbly feeling when you feel like you just saw/heard something precious <3
I know they say the first love is the sweetest, but that first cut is the deepest.
Drake« vieux
